The end of the Knight Chapter and the lesson learned

For once, I'm afraid that I'm in a serious mood, since Facebook stalking Knight and his ridiculously cute relationship with Sutcliffe has made me feel....numb.

I think last night, when I was blogging, I had a revelation.
I realised that my Knight in Shining Abercrombie & Fitch was in no way to blame. I saw the situation through new eyes. I've always known that I wasn't forward enough with my feelings for Knight - I didn't tell him I was in love with him, albeit I told him I loved him twice (but he may have thought I meant platonically - I wasn't clear). However, I kept telling myself that he was also to blame for cutting me out of his life, for telling me he loved me and then getting a girlfriend.
But now I have a Fresh New Perspective, where I've realised that I led him on for 2 YEARS and then wasn't very open in my affection towards him. I told all my friends that I was in love with him, but I didn't explicitly tell him. So no wonder he got a girlfriend!
Now, however, I know that the problem lies with me.
I now know that even if a guy is perfect - like Knight was - I will never want to be their girlfriend until its too late. Or I'll find it too hard to express my feelings for them.
I still remember thinking Knight was totally not my type, just as I keep telling myself that Curly Haired Guy isn't my type. But I don't believe that I am capable of love at first sight, and I think that I grow to love people. I grew to love Knight, and I think I would grow to love Curly Haired Guy.

Knight is now forever in the past and I need to know that no matter how many drunk texts I send, drunken voicemails I leave him or letters I write him (only one, I'm not a stalker!), he is never going to come back. And he has no reason to. When I think of the facts of the matter I can see that what I did was wrong. The thing is, I always loved him and this is how I knew: I wanted to talk to him all the time about everything. However, the concept of dating someone freaked/still freaks me out. So I told him I didn't like him like that and we decided to just be friends for 2 years. We became very close, and he made me a much better, quirkier person and I'll always be glad that I knew him.
But now I can only learn from my mistakes; I just need to remember not to Friendzone Curly Haired Guy. True, he cannot compare to Knight. But nobody can compare to a girl's first love. Excluding Channing Tatum, of course.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal
xxx

Biting the Bullet

I've made an important decision.
I have concluded that I am not prepared to let history repeat itself - Curly Haired Guy shall not be my new Knight in Abercrombie & Fitch. In other words, I shall not lead him on and then reject him, and then regret it when he moves on. In other words, I will not cock this up.
Now that I've learnt from the whole Knight Fiasco I know:
1. That it's OK to try a date with a guy to see if you like him. When I was meeting up with Knight, however, I didn't see that as dating; I saw it as friends meeting up.
2. That it's not OK to lead someone on, since it causes heartache when you realise that everything went tits-up because of your commitment issues and because you're a massive Twatface. Therefore, I need to be forward enough with Curly Haired Guy that he knows I'd like to try a one-off date and see how it goes, but I obviously need to talk to my friends first. I know, however, that e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e- in my group is against me getting with Curly Haired Guy because he kissed one of my friends first and she apparently liked him (she never told me, though!). Dilemma.
3. That I'm not a stereotypical teenager. As in, I don't swoon when a guy is perfect, nor do I hope that guys will ask me out. Instead, I think of reasons that we'd be bad together and then my heart plummets when they ask me out because I think of how incompatible we are. For example, despite the fact that Curly Haired Guy is very sweet and nice and I'm physically attracted to him when I'm with him, I have a list of cons in my head...
A. He's YOUNGER than me!! True, he's born in August and I'm November so we're still in the same year at school. But...but... I'M PRACTICALLY A COUGAR
B. He cannot spell. As in, he thinks "too" and "to" & "their" and "there" & "your" and "you're" are the same. And he puts too many commas in his texts, meaning they are grammatically incorrect and really hard to understand!
C. Not my type in the Looks Department (he's really...sweet-looking, whereas I prefer older-looking guys. I'm aware that I sound high maintenance so feel free to throw food at me if you see me in the street!)

BUT now I'm going to bite the bullet. I'm going to stay friends with CHG but if my friends give it the All Clear and we wait a while then perhaps we could try a date.
But who knows? Maybe they'll refuse to let us date and we'll end up doing a Romeo&Juliet. Although, actually, where would one buy fatal poison these days...
I'm taking this analogy too seriously.
Anyways, in the spirit of Shakespeare I shall bid you adieu,
Oh and there is a party this Saturday and he shall be there so I shall judge if there is any spark whilst there - but no kissing shall ensue (the Girl Code must NOT be broken again!)
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

New Perspctive on Z

Salut chums!! I am writing from my french exchange's house!!
This shall be brief because we are off to the pub, but I found out today what a complete Arrogant Arse Z is.
Up until now I had thought he was
A. A gentleman, after he hugged me whilst I cried
B. A flirt but a secret romantic
C. Lovely
It turns out he is actually a womaniser who brags about how many girls he has slept with :O
And then I starrted thinking about the things he has done - like how he started talking to me the other day by saying "You still looked hot tonight" but he obviously is a knobhead according to my friend who kissed him, who told me he's forceful and brags a lot and apparently thinks I'm in love with him. I'd rather eat grass. Speaking of which, he aspires to be a drug-dealer; I know how to pick 'em!!
Keep you posted on how the pub is ce soir
xxxxx

**********

The pub
The pub was tres fun - we met some random French guys and one of them took my number; I thought he was Yum On Toast but everyone said he was Ugly As Fuck. My taste is apparently appalling...!
However, we met lots of people and drank lots of Sex on The Beach and Vodka and played Table Football. Overall, a top night!!
I'm back in England now, chums, and I miss France so much!! Sigh... I have to get started with this English Coursework so I must bid you adieu
xxx

Is History Repeating Itself?

Given the fact that I cannot keep my own secrets, it's hardly surprising that I told my mum all about the Curly-Haired Guy situation. Surprisingly, she actually took my side and pointed out that the friend did kiss Z (the guy I liked at the time) so this is the same thing, and the friend should forgive me too.

Last night I was texting Curly-Haired Guy (CHG) and whilst doing so his friend, L, texted me saying he was glad that me and CHG were texting again. 

I asked him how he knew and apparently CHG showed his mates the text I sent him (saying we should still text and it was silly for me to ignore him) and said it "made his day". 

Whilst I find this really cute and if he was in my reach I would TOTALLY DATE HIM, I cannot do this. So I texted him to tell him that if we were going to keep talking then we'd have to be Just Friends. He said he'd call me tomorrow (which is today).

Tonight we had a 10min phone conversation, and he said that Just Friends sounds good to him because he primarily wants me to be happy, and I wouldn't be happy if my friends isolated me (i.e. if I dated CHG).

We talked for a bit and he's going to talk to my friend and her best friend who yelled at me, this Friday at a party I was invited to (but shall not attend - since I want them to sort stuff out first).

But I have a nagging feeling in me. This is all too familiar; this situation of "just friends" despite the fact that we both secretly fancy each other. Is Curly Haired Guy the new Knight in Shiny Abercrombie & Fitch?! 

With both cases I never really dated them, yet I wanted to.

They both go to Eltham (private school) and have black curly hair.

They're both super-tall (yum).

Although, I kissed CHG and never kissed Knight. 

Ahh the kiss with Curly Haired Guy was just....fantabulous.

As I've already said it was tender and cute and I felt special to him. It was just.... amazing.

And now I can't do anything else, all because my friend liked him first. Argh. I hate girl code.

Keep you posted and let's hope this ends better than the Knight Situation,

Grammar Gal xxx

I broke the Girl Code

I am an awful person. A horrendous human being who deserves to have things thrown at her in the streets.
I kissed Curly-Haired boy despite my telling my friend-who-has-got-with-him-three-time's best friend that I would never kiss Curly-Haired Boy because it breaks Girl Code.
SO WHY DID I DO IT?
Well. There are 4 main reasons:
1. I was drunk. As in, Vodka became my new best friend.
2. It was a romantic moment: he told me he usually gets with girls he doesn't really like but now he's changed.
3. We were getting on so well, that it felt natural at the time; I got a bit swept away by him. He listened to me  when I talked about how Knight broke my heart, and how Creepy David was the worst experience of my life.
4. He was persuasive - he told me that my friend wouldn't mind because she was over him.


We were in a room by ourselves when it happened.
I won't lie, the kiss was good. It was tender and the opposite to Tree's forceful nature, and Shy Guy's Washing Machine technique. He also kissed my neck, my cheek and my forehead and it was cute. If I'm honest, I totally forgot where I was, the fact he is Strictly Off Limits and the fact that the doors were glass, so everyone could see us. Including the friend's best friend.
After Curly-Haired Guy left, my friend's best friend took me to the side and shouted at me.
She called me sly, a hypocrite and a bitch. She said I should never have kissed him and it broke girl code. She was so angry with me. I could feel the hatred, and she kept saying that she was just defending her best friend. It was then that I realised how ATROCIOUSLY I had behaved. I had kissed a boy who my friend liked, which breaks girl code and is not at all OK. I apolofied profusely, but she kept shouting so I ended up crying (I'm just a massive sissy when I'm drunk/hormonal/hated).
One of my close friends took me for a walk and calmed me down, but it's still hanging over my head as I type this now. I talked to my friend last night (the one who had got with Curly Haired Guy 3 times) and she was disappointed with me (I could tell from her tone) and she seemed rightfully upset.
I texted both her and her best friend 2 long texts apologising and telling them how much I hate myself for what I did. My friend texted me back saying she was disappointed and surprised but she wants us to move on.
Her best friend has not replied, and has tweeted about how it was"havoc". I hate it when people hate me, but it's well-deserved here.
So, I've concluded, to swap boys for books and to leave the party scene for a while. Tomorrow I'm going to just stay in the library all day because
1. I'm ashamed of my actions
2. I want to avoid the awkwardness there would be at lunch if I sat with my friend and her best friend
3. I want to avoid Social Siberia which I fear is waiting for me at school - a.k.a. total exclusion and bitchy comments.

Last night was the worst night of my life (it even surpasses Creepy David) but I suppose things can only get better.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

SUCH a bad day! But Z redeems himself...

Sometimes life hands you lemons and you have to make lemonade. Other times, life hits you round the face with a watermelon and there's no way to make the situation better.
Today was a shit day.

It started this morning when I lost my phone. I've ransacked my house and my only explanation is that it must have eloped with another phone, because it's gone. Then in English I got an average mark and my Perfect Friend (pretty, funny, lovely, smart, has a boyfriend, can sing) got the highest in the class. Not that I'm jealous. Of course. No, in all seriousness she deserves a good mark because she's good at English. But still. Sigh.
Then my Classics teacher told me that my mock exam was illegible and is going to make me hand-write all my homeworks until my handwriting improves. This is just like Yr 3 again where I was put into a special class of people who couldn't write properly...
Then I found out that Curly-Haired guy is an actual twatface, who uses girls for sex and then dumps him. And I believed him when he agreed with me and that romance is more than getting off with someone when you're shitfaced! I feel like such a numpty...! No wonder he hasn't talked to me in ages...
However, the major reason today was Shockingly Appalling was that I didn't have enough money on my oyster card (I had accidentally tapped out of the station twice when leaving, so it deducted £5 from my oyster card, which means that my oyster wouldn't work on the bus) so the BITCH driver waited 5 minutes for me to take out the entire contents of my purse, eagerly trying to muster £2.40 together. I had £2.36 and she WOULDN'T LET ME ON THE BUS.
What a bitch!!! And it wasn't just that; NOBODY on the bus offered me the fucking 4pence!!!! How ridiculous is England?!?! I hate English people - they are so stuck up their own arses and that "stiff upper lip" thing is soooo true. I hate them I hate them I hate them.
So I was forced to walk in the FREEZING COLD to the station and pay out and EXTRA FIVE POUNDS on my debit card. However my debit card was rejected by the machine, and I then found a £20 note in my purse (of course - when I was getting on the bus I never noticed that...!) and had to go to the corner shop to get some change. I topped up my oyster and was crying from frustration by that point but, being Stuck Up Britain nobody asked me if I was OK. Then when I got to my second bus stop I bumped in to Z (whilst still crying) and he was with some guy pals. He asked me if I was crying, I said I was and didn't really want to talk about it, then went into the shop to get some change (because I had IDIOTICALLY done the same thing with my oyster card - tapped it twice at the station, so £5 was deducted from it and the oyster wouldn't work. What twat came up with this system?!) and I turned around and Z was behind me, just looking at me. I laughed and told him not to look at me because I looked a mess (which he, being a bit of a superficial arrogant arse, naturally did not deny - I did look a state!!!). He asked me what was up and I told him about the bitchy conductor and he offered to give me some money, but I told him I had a £10 but needed change for the bus (hence why I was in the shop to buy some diet coke). We laughed and chatted for a bit and he took me outside and introduced me to his 2 guy friends who were nice.
I told him I needed a hug and his hugs were p-e-r-f-e-c-t: very firm and made you feel better.
Then they went off shopping for a party which I wasn't invited to (tomorrow - and most of my mates are going ofc...!)

Sorry, rant over. To conclude a SHIT-ARSE DAY but Z was a cutie and such a nice friend.
He has redeemed himself.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

P.S. Z just texted me saying "you still looked hot today". What an absolute babe (I'm going to tell myself that his friends didn't hack his phone, which is very likely!)

Crush is Over!!

I still think that every girl should be given a Girls' Guide Book On How To Make Decisions, when she is born which would include all of the clauses of the girl code. However, even without this Guidebook I feel that I have averted a potential disaster.
Just yesterday I had a tiny crush on a boy who was Strictly Off Limits (Curly-haired boy). But I've now realised that
A. He's not very nice; he got with my friend 3 times and says that he doesn't like her like that. I mean, call me a Hopeless Romantic but I believe that you should only kiss someone if you like them. Although, this is coming from the girl who kissed Tree because she felt bad saying no, and kissed Shy Guy because he looked like her ex...!
B. He's not my type in the Looks Department. I think he might be good-looking to other people, but he's not My Type.
C. It goes against the aforementioned Girl Code and even if I did hypothetically still have a crush on Curly-Haired Boy I would not have acted on it, because it would upset my friend who has kissed him on several occassions, and I think she still likes him. But he's a stupid Twatface who cannot see how amazingly pretty, smart and funny she is. His loss.

So, to conclude, the crush with Curly-Haired boy is officially over!
Good riddance; I don't need any more scumbags on my life!
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal,
xxx

Strictly Off Limits & Girls Code

Last night was a night of semi-drunkenness where no kissing was involved for a change!
True, there were 2 boys that caught my eye.
One of them was wearing a really fit grey cardigan (there's something about guys in cardigans; huminahuminahumina-aaahhh) and he recognised me from when I was passed out at the last party I went to (I'm still hanging my head in shame at that by the way - that is not how us Grammar Gals usually act!!!).
Cardigan Boy had a fit protective vibe about him, and he let me share his seat when the German Exchange stole mine. What a cutie.
The second boy was Curly-Haired Guy, who was funny and had dark hair (woo! I've had enough of blonds!!). He made me laugh whilst we were playing the drinking game, and we got on really well. True, he's not really my type in the Looks Department (remember, chums, I'm only attracted to guys that aren't great looking to the normal teenage eye - a.k.a. David Cameron is my idea of a Sex God. Think I might vote Conservative when I'm older just because I love him.). But he was really funny - and I love funny guys. And he was tall, and more padded out than Cardigan Boy.
But Cardigan boy and I did have some laughs, too. I royally Cocked-Up a potentially romantic moment with Cardigan boy which is so annoying! We were side-by-side looking at a photo on the wall and he said "where would you say this is?" And I blurted out "St Paul's Cathedral?" Depite the fact that there were gondolas, wooden sticks, a beautiful river and it was so obviously VENICE. He laughed and the romantic moment was gone.
Oh, and some of the knobhead posh boys got me to tell the German Exchanges that "I'm horny" - in German. People do take advantage of my naivety (I thought I was saying "Welcome to England"...!)
BUT
(you knew a but was coming)
Unfortunately, both Cardigan boy and Curly-haired boy were Strictly Off Limits.
Cardigan Boy was really hitting it off with my friend who went to his primary school, so I though something could happen there and didn't want to stand in the way.
I didn't know Curly-haired boy's name for most of the night until I spoke with my friend, who has kissed him at previous parties. She told me that he was the guy she had snogged on numerous occasions, and it became clear to me that I had to follow the Girl's Code:

***

GIRLS CODE RULES

1. No dating girl friend's older brother (or younger, but that goes without saying)
2. No dating girl friend's ex boyfriends
3. No dating girl friend's boys they have snogged at parties i.e. if one of my friends dated Tree it would bother me, even though I don't fancy him. It's just part of the female DNA - a.k.a. our Girl Code that is encoded within us all.
4. If a friend is dumped, one must drop all plans, buy a ton of sweets and go over right away
5. If a girl friend asks if you like her boyfriend always say yes - even if you're telling porkies
6. No snogging a boy that you know your friend likes (incidentally, the girl who got off with Curly-haired boy is the same girl who got off with Z when I had a crush on him  )
7. If a girl friend asks if she has put on any weight always say no.
8. If a girl friend asks what you think of her ex's new girlfriend, always stick to the following: "ugly", "awful personality", "nothing compared to you", "secretly an alien".

***

Therefore, although he was cute, and he has my number (which he naturally hasn't texted - I am, as always, Unlucky In Love. Although we did speak via Facebook last night) he is Strictly Off Limits.
So we're back to Square One!
Oh well, it was a fun and eventful night, which makes a nice change from my nights spent bonding with my post-its...
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

Out of The Slump

A couple of days ago I had a Ferris Bueller's Day Off inspired trip to London - the most beautiful and amazing city in the world.
Highlights were chatting to the gorgeous 20-yr-old French/Italian (the accent was hard to tell which) waiter, being winked at by a cyclist, and being chatted up by a random dude with curly hair.
I felt on it like a car bonnet! See, chums? Being a Singleton is actually awesome.

I'm now completely out of The Slump (a.k.a. the depressed feeling I was going through where I wanted to throw my shoe at cute couples). I won't lie, I had a minor relapse on my Day Off when I saw the park Knight used to take me to. It was quite a sad moment because the park is beautiful and we used to have fun there. But the Knight Chapter is well and truly closed. The Knight I loved no longer exists and a stupid Knobhead replaces.
But enough about that tosser.
McFly and Busted have helped me get out of The Slump and I urge any of you fellow Singletons out there to stay cheery even though the dreaded Doomsday (a.k.a. Valentine's Day) is around the corner, where Cute Couples aim to make us feel as useless as an unsticky post-it.

Well now I'm out of The Slump I'm off to a party tonight where there shall be some guys I "met" the other day. I say "met" because I have nooooo recollection of meeting any of them. My memory is being in a room and drinking a LOT and then being sick in the toilet and then going home.
Apparently, that's not what happened. I sat on my friend's lap, flirted outrageously, was slapped by a boy when I started falling asleep and then slapped him back!!!
Cringe!!!!
So the aim is to remember ALL of tonight, not drink too much. And who knows, maybe I'll find my Prince Charming.
(or maybe/probably not...!)
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxxx